To the outside world, I look the same. I carry on as normal. Always coping, and there to help out or support another.
Inside, I feel like pieces of me are disintegrating. I'm falling apart, and I don't know if there's any glue strong enough to put me back together. I'm tired, and I hurt - and not just in the physical sense.
I know I have been lucky, and have friends who have literally saved me from rock bottom, and for that I am eternally grateful. I appreciate the helping hands, and the love and support that has been wrapped around me.
I still feel alone. I feel like I have failed. And I have. I can't see any way back. And the current state of my mind and heart is torn and hurt and useless.
I've let my children down, by not being able to provide for them as they need. I've let my parents down by still being a burden to them, when I should be caring for them. I've let my friends down by leaning on them in ways that I should never need to. And I've let myself down for not being able to manage, and do it for myself.
And in the depths of this despair, I have let them all down by not being able to find a way clear of this mess that calls itself my life.
Denial no longer is an option.
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