It's odd, being an only child I enjoy alone time, and having lots of kids, means that I actually crave that alone time, and yet, I find myself feeling most lonely when surrounded by others.
I don't mean the "I'm the only one with out a partner here" kind of lonely, that's a different feeling altogether. I mean the disconnected and feeling like you're not really a part of what's going on around you sort of lonely. I have had it my whole life, and I'm sure that I'm not the only one. Most people feel at some time like they don't fit in. Like they're acting out a role in the play that is their life.
Me, I deal with that by bluffing. I put on my heels, and my makeup, and do my hair, and wear the appropriate outfit... almost like putting on a costume. But it's not a costume, it's my protection and bluff. To keep the world from realising that I'm not the competent adult you see, but really just a little girl princess playing at being queen.
I am still waiting to feel like a grown up on the inside. One day, maybe. Then again, that feeling may never come. For all I know, there may be a whole world filled with little kids pretending to be grown ups as that's what is expected of them.
